05 October 2011

31 Days of Love Day 2: Finding Love in Pain

This is where I talk about the part of this challenge that means learning to truly and deeply love myself. It's something I've struggled with for years...I think most people go through this at one point in their lives...at least I hope I'm not the only one!

There are so many life experiences I still have not healed from. So many things I have blocked out in my head..kind of like a calendar with blackout dates except my life has blackout dates. They are days and memories that are so awful and sad that I have pretended they don't exist and tucked them deep down inside of me never to be brought back up. This is not a healthy way of dealing with bad times but it's how I've reacted to bad situations since I was young. I feel like it's time to let these things back up and to talk them through...to heal and to forgive those that caused this pain. I know it will be one of the hardest things I've had to conquer in my life. Conquering my past...just saying it scares me. But I think now I am ready. I am ready to learn and grow.

One thing I love about this military life is that I was moved to another part of the country and got to start new. Nobody here knows anything about what I've been through and it is nice to not have my past haunting me. I hope that one day I am able to openly talk about these things with all of you but right now I'm not ready but I feel like just letting it out that I have things to deal with and deciding to get help is a huge first step.


  1. (((HUG)))
    It is easy to hide things from people. Yet, it can be refreshing to share and not feel like I am some sort of an imposter.

  2. It can be easy to hide, and move on - especially when in a new city. Yet, it can be refreshing to to share with a confidant at that new place because too often I feel as though I am merely an imposter. Sometimes I wonder...if they only knew the whole story, even a glimpse of it, then they would not think I am such a great employee, friend, etc. Most times I am my biggest critic. The shame and self-condemnation is so great.