12 October 2011

31 Days of Love Day 12: An Open Letter to My Daughter

Dear Little Miss,
It was a little over 3 years ago when I read that positive pregnancy test at the young age of 19. I was scared. I had only known daddy for a few months. I wasn't ready for you but I loved you. I loved you the moment I knew you existed. I loved you so much that I decided to keep you and to marry daddy. He loved you so much when I told him about you. We married and daddy left for the air force ten days later. I lived with grandma and spent my days talking, singing, and reading to you. You were my whole world long before you were even born. Every time I felt you kick it brought me so much joy. I started buying boy clothes because I was sure you were a boy. I wanted a boy so badly but when I picked daddy up from the airport for his two week exodus leave from tech school we opened the envelope. It was the same envelope that my doctor had written your gender in. When we opened the envelope and it said "girl" we both cried. We were so happy. I loved you even more that day. You were our little baby girl and we wouldn't have changed a thing.

A couple days before Daddy had to return to Texas your great grandma became ill. She was in the hospital and had been diagnosed with cancer. It was all through her body and there was nothing the doctors could do. She loved you so much and was always talking to you whenever we were together. That week I'm sure you remember mommy being very sad because after we dropped daddy at the airport we rushed back to the hospital to find out your Great Grandma had had a stroke and was no longer able to talk or use half of her body. Mommy was so sad. That day she rubbed you in my belly. She was trying to tell me something and to this day I believe she was saying she loved you. She kept rubbing you and pointing to her heart. Oh, Baby girl, I wish you could have met your great grandma. She was a wonderful woman and would have loved to been able to watch you grow up. She loved you so much and she never even got to meet you. When she passed away a week after entering the hospital, mommy cried a lot. I know that probably scared you, sweet girl. But know, your great grandma is watching over you from Heaven. She will always be there and she will always love you.

In December of 2008 we got a puppy, Jasmine. Jasmine was only 3 pounds and she used to snuggle my belly just to feel your heart beat. It was comforting for her and she loved you so much. Jasmine was the protector of my belly and was always watching over you and I. She instantly had a bond with you when you were in my belly and when you came out the bond only grew.

In March of 2009 we moved to our first duty station far away from family and friends. I'm sure you remember the bumpy 30 hour ride in the uhaul. It was miserable. When we got here it was hot and stressful but beautiful none the less. Mommy had to get new doctors and had to find a hospital for you to be born in. In that month before you were born I unpacked and set up your room. I was so excited for you and kept wishing you would come a little early. I walked a lot hoping that might help you come but it didn't. You were stubborn and comfortable in mommy's belly. Your due date came and went and finally the doctor decided to induce you. You then received an eviction notice that it was time to come out. Mommy had a hard labor. The doctor's made lots of mistakes and mommy was in so much pain for 8 weeks after because of it. But you, sweet girl, were worth it. When I held you for the first time I was at a loss for words because you were so beautiful. You had big blue eyes and beautiful, squishy cheeks. I couldn't get enough of you. You were all mine and my love for you grew even more that day. It was on that day that I learned what unconditional love is.

In the months that followed, we played. I talked and you cooed back. I smiled and you smiled back. I acted goofy and you laughed. You were the beautiful and wonderful little girl. Mommy and Daddy just loved you so much. We struggled trying to afford all of your needs. There were many nights Mommy and Daddy went without just so you could have a can of formula. We didn't care if we ate, as long you had what you needed.

In your first year of life you threw up everything you ate. We were so worried about you. We took you to see specialists and tried every formula and every medication. We just wanted your tummy to feel better but no one could fix it.

When you were 7 months old I started to wonder why you weren't sitting up yet. At 8 months old your doctor started to wonder why you weren't sitting up. That is when you began physical therapy. You started sitting up on your own at 9 months old and we were so proud we danced around the house with you.

In March we found out Daddy was deploying in may for 4-5 months. I was scared for you. I was scared for Daddy. I was scared for myself.

Then, two weeks after you turned 1 Daddy left. You and I moved in with Grandma while daddy was gone. That is when you started pulling up to standing and crawling. I was so proud of you. We spent that summer at the beach and the pool and we both go so tan. We went walking and spent every minute soaking up the sun and having fun. You started walking with help and I was so proud.

Daddy returned on Mommy and Daddy's 2 year anniversary. Not long after, when you were 18 months, you started walking all by yourself. We were in the hospital waiting room waiting for your Grandpa to get out of his heart surgery. You just began walking to all of the family members on your own. Everyone cheered for you and gave you hugs and kisses. We were all so proud of you and you....you were proud of yourself. I could see it in your smile.

In the months after this Mommy's belly grew again as mommy was growing Little Brother. You didn't quite understand why my tummy was suddenly huge. But you sure liked kicking and hitting mommy's big 'ol belly. I still chased you and carried you no matter how tired I was. A week before your brother was born you began speech therapy. You were apprehensive your first couple times but it didn't take long before you loved going. You started learning so much and everyone was so proud of you.

It's been a little over four months since you started your speech therapy and baby girl, we are still so proud of you. We will always be proud of you. You are so loved by so many people and everyone is rooting for you. It's time for you start more therapy and to see another specialist and mommy will be there every step of the way holding your handing and guiding you. I don't care what the doctor's say you are PERFECT to us just the way you are. We will do whatever it takes to help you to succeed but whatever the outcome know that we love you unconditionally and would not change a single thing about you. Every time daddy and I get a hug or a kiss from you it brings us the most unexplainable joy inside. We would do anything for you, Little Miss. You are Beautifully Made and Developmentally Delayed and we wouldn't have you any other way. God made you perfect just the way you are and we love you more than you will ever know.

I hope that one day when you are older you will read this letter and know how much we love you and how many other people have loved you along the way. Your name means 'The Bright One'. You are the sunshine in our lives. Your middle name means God is Gracious. Mommy and Daddy made a mistake having you before we were married but God was gracious and forgiving and gave us the most beautiful gift....you.

Sweet, precious girl, Mommy loves you so much and misses you even when you are sleeping. You are my angel and I will always be here for you. Anything you need. I would lay my life down for you. I love you Little Miss.

Your Blessed and Proud Mamma

This song is dedicated to you Sweet girl. I love you.

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do and you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight you fight
I will hold you tight and I won't let go
It hurts my heart to see you cry
I know it's dark, this part of life
It finds us all but we're too small
to stop the rain oh, but when it rains
I will stand by you


  1. This is so sweet, I don't know you other than the blog-o-sphere and I just started tearing up. Granted I am pregnant and emotional, but this was so sweet. <3

  2. You made me cry. Best of luck to you guys as you start this new adventure in therapy.