04 February 2011

It's Okay To Cry

This week has been so hard. I'm living in a house and sleeping next to a man who doesn't even want to be with me. A man who just two years ago vowed to love me forever in good times and in bad. A man who held my hand and didn't leave my side as I birthed our daughter. A man who got up in the middle of the night when our new baby cried and who took care of me as well as her when I couldn't hardly walk after delivery. This is the man who when I see him smile or laugh it makes my heart so happy. His happiness brings me all the joy in the world. I hate this week and all of the negativity. I hate being second best to his friends he chats away with on the computer. I hate being ignored and not being touched. All I want is to hear him tell me he loves me and he thinks I'm beautiful and amazing and he wants to be with me forever. I want to feel his lips against mine because I'm starting to forget what he tastes like. I miss his hugs and his laugh and our tickle fights. I miss him so much and he hasn't even gone anywhere. It's like someone has replaced him and taken over his body. I just want to be loved and it hurts so much to still see him but feel like he isn't even there. It's like he's so close yet so far away. I love this man with all my heart and I don't think he'll ever understand how deep my love is for him.

This video is a song that is exactly how I have felt....We've come so far since we married two years ago and we're so close to a happy ending yet so far away. Please listen to this beautiful song from the movie Enchanted. It's called "So Close" by Jon Mclaughlin. Listen to the lyrics. They are truly beautiful and exactly how I feel.

Thank you everyone for the prayers and support. You all have no idea how much it means to me to have so many people rooting for me who I've never even met. It's amazing and I really can't thank all of you enough. Even those who don't comment and just read...you are all so appreciated. Well now that I am a sobbing mess I'm going to go take a shower and try to relax a little bit for the sake of baby boy.


  1. sending lots of love your way!!!

  2. This just makes me hurt for you :(. I wish I could hug you (and knock some sense into him!).

  3. *sniffle* I really hope he wakes up one day and realizes how lucky he is to have you and your precious babies!