05 February 2012

Men....

Let me start by saying I love my husband...a lot!! But boy...does he drive me up a wall sometimes. Anyone who has been following my blog for a while knows we've had some really rough times. Things are better now but they are still far from perfect but really who's marriage is perfect? Nobody! And if someone says theirs is they are lying.

I am not a perfect wife. But, I do try to make my husband happy at almost any opportunity. I try to make his favorites foods and bake his favorite cookies. I do all of his laundry. I fold his clothes. I constantly tell him thank you and that I'm proud of him. I'm not perfect. I get angry easily. I am sometimes very needy. But overall I'm easy to please. All I ask is to be loved. To be appreciated. And to be reminded of these things.

I have always been a hopeless romantic. I like obscure music. I am a lover of Nicholas Sparks Novels. I prefer gifts with thought put into them over expensive things. I love to snuggle. I am deep with a lot of feelings and often times known to be very sensitive. I am very cultured and don't care if you're black, purple, red, green or multicolored..I love all people the same. I care a lot about other people whether I know them or not. I am a humanitarian. I am the type of person who wants to save the kids in africa. ASPCA commercials make me cry. I have a big heart and I love deeply.

My husband is about as shallow as they come. He was born as raised in the mountains and is a self proclaimed redneck. He is not romantic. He thinks flowers are a waste of money. He thinks spending money on a nice ring for me is a waste of money(because he could buy a four wheeler with that money!). He wears Justin boots and cowboy hats. He only likes movies that make him laugh. He only reads books about people he likes. He only likes a few types of music. He's stuck in his ways and very close minded.

Now, I love my husband the way he is. But marriage is compromise. It's giving in to things you might not like that much to make your spouse happy.

When my husband and I were first together he was very loving. We kissed, we held hands, we snuggled. Now sometimes we go days without kissing....which is sad. We don't kiss unless I am the one initiating. We don't snuggle unless I snuggle up to him. He's never bought me flowers. He's never gotten me anything for Valentine's Day and has only gotten me one anniversary gift in three years. I've never gotten a birthday present from him..ever. I've never gotten anything for mother's day nor has he ever acknowledged it was mother's day. He's never told me I'm a good mom. He rarely says thank you. The only time I hear 'I love you' is when we hang up the phone. He never tells me I'm beautiful or pretty or anything. I guess where I'm getting with all of this is that I feel like he is my roommate and not my husband most days. I need to feel loved. I need to be reminded I'm loved in his actions and his words. I tell him these things over and over again but he just doesn't 'get it' and at this point I'm not sure he ever will. I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to just accept that this is how things will always be?

I was raised that woman should be treated like queens. That we deserve the world. I guess I just wish my husband would at least try to act like he likes me a little bit.

5 comments:

  1. This breaks my heart into a million pieces.. You deserve SO much more than that. :( Please don't take offense when I say that it sounds like your husband isn't happy, because that just does not seem like normal behavior. A husband should love and adore his wife, not ignore her and make her feel awful about herself. You are young, gorgeous, full of life, momma of 2 gorgeous babies, and you deserve to be spoiled and pampered. Him forgetting you on Mother's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.. is just not right. That just makes me want to cry!!

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  2. I can identify with parts of this post, and it's hard. When we are so emotional or thoughtful, it's hard to come to grips with someone who just isn't much.

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  3. Reading this made me so sad :(
    It obviously isn't that he doesn't love you, it's that you both speak different love languages, so the actions of one attempting to show that they love the other can sometimes be misinterpreted or missed altogether.
    If you don't mind my suggesting, my husband and I began reading a book a while back called "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts" by Gary Chapman, a long-time couple/relationship counselor.
    Bottom line: You both deserve to be happy! This book shows you a completely different perspective on the matter of expressing your love to your spouse. I've seen it for as cheap as $5 +shipping online - I think it would be greatly worth checking out.
    While I agree that marriage does mean sacrifice, and a lot of it, you shouldn't have to go without feeling loved. Everyone deserves to know that they are truly loved and cherished.

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  4. I debated whether or not to respond because I know my marriage is far from perfect. We are having our own issues and working on it as we speak. However, even with all our issues, I have never felt like we were roommates. For you to feel that way, makes me think there is a deeper issue going on. I don't know all the issues you have had in the past but it's possible it stems from that or maybe it's something else. Like a previous poster, I have heard good things about The 5 Love Languages.

    Also, I don't think women should be treated like queens or that we deserve the world. At least, that's not how I think. Should your husband show and tell you he loves you...absolutely. But, to me, it's not all about the gifts/cards. And, sometimes men just aren't good at that. At the beginning of a relationship, it's always different because everything is new. And as time goes on, that newness wears off. Marriage is 100/100...each person has to give 100% of themself. Yes, there is compromise but both parties has to be willing to do so. Ultimately, only you can decide if this is how you want to live your life. See about counseling or talking to a pastor. If he doesn't want to listen when you talk, write him a letter and ask him to respond.


    Wish you all the best!

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