01 February 2011
Finding the Words
I wasn't sure if I should put this on my blog but I feel like if I don't then I'm not being honest with all of you or with myself. My blog has always been a 'safe place' where I could talk and not worry about real life people judging me or getting in my business. For the most part I have been extremely open although keeping some things more personal like my identity(If you are new here, I have never released my name or my family's names or pictures of our faces to remain anonymous). So like I have been all along I'm going to be open and honest. Some may think this is something I shouldn't put on my blog but at this point I feel like I have to. I need to admit this to all of you so I can admit this to myself. Writing this is so hard for me. I'm not going to give back ground because that is something that would take time but I'm sure you can read old posts from during deployment and get an idea of what has lead up to this. So, everyone, this morning I woke up still half asleep at 7am. I walked into the living room and there was a note on the coffee table. A note I had a bad feeling about from the time I saw it. My husband wants a divorce. I am five months pregnant with an almost two year old and my husband wants a divorce. I am so hurt and angry. My kids do not deserve this. I have always had strong opinions on marriage. My parents' divorce was just final a few months ago and now this is happening to me. I believe a marriage should be fought for. You should do everything you can to make it work. I heard a quote once that read "the best thing you can do for your kids is love your wife" and I believe that to be so true. Love is a choice and you choose to love someone forever. Love is hard and you have to work at it everyday. I love my husband more than he will ever know or understand and I am sad that he is giving up so easy. I have cried all day long and and have hardly been able to eat. I've only had one meal which I know is not enough for this precious baby boy in my belly but I just can't eat anything more. I am sick to my stomach and feel like puking. I am a 22 year old, 5 months pregnant, mamma to an almost two year old who is soon to be single. That is the hardest thing I have ever had to type. I wish I could hide from this reality but it's something I have to face.