19 January 2011

She Calls Me Mamma

That's her. My whole world. Weighing in at 29lbs she has stolen my heart and changed me for the better. She laughs often and her giggles melt my heart. She is curious and observant. Little Miss is going to be 21 months on the 28th of this month. She is developmentally delayed. When we play together she hands me toys and gets frustrated when I don't do what she wants me to do with them. She only says a few words(okay, yeah, mom, dad, & uhoh) and gets so angry with us for not understanding her. It breaks my heart every time she tries to communicate something to me and gets frustrated with me when I don't understand. She gets so mad and throws a fit. I tell her, "It's okay, mommy doesn't know what you're trying to say but mommy loves you" and I give her a big squeeze and a kiss. I see on facebook and hear from friends of how well their kids are doing. Kids younger than Little Miss talking in full sentences. I am happy everyone else's kids are doing so well but I get angry and jealous. In my eyes, Little Miss is perfect. But deep down I know she is struggling and behind and it hurts me so bad. I wish I could make things better and easier for her. She has struggled her whole life and been behind for so long. Sitting up at 9 months, crawling at 12 months, and walking at 18 months. I get so torn up about this. It is so hard for me to deal with. I want the world for Little Miss and hate that I can't give it to her. I sometimes wonder if it's my fault. Did I fail as a mom? I feel like I've done so much to help her but maybe not? I worry about her daily and often feel guilty for bringing a new baby into the house when Little Miss needs me so much. I hope and pray she catches on soon so that this doesn't affect her later in life with things like school. Sometimes I worry the problem is deeper than just being a little bit behind. I'm a mom and all I want is the best for my sweet little girl and I hate that I can't give it to her. That I can't take this away from her.


  1. You did not fail in the least bit as a mom... Even as she gets impatient, you aren't. You are standing there beside her and making every effort possible -- thats what makes a mom. A good mom.

  2. CLEARLY you have not failed and are, in fact, a great mom!

    She giggles, which means she's happy.
    She makes progress, just like everyone else's kids, and sets her own pace.
    She is perfectly loved.

    On top of that, she's going to get a baby brother! Congratulations!