13 November 2010

Alone in a City Full of People

I live in a state that is an 18 hour drive from where I grew up. My closest family is a ten hour drive away. And my in laws are a 14 hour drive away. I left behind some amazing people when I followed my military husband to our first duty station. I left behind my favorite Chinese buffet, my high school football alumni night, a movie threater where I always got free tickets, and most of all I left behind my comfort zone. At the young age of 20 I started my new life with a newborn baby and new husband in a town I had never even visited. A huge part of military life is uprooting everything you know only to relocate to a foreign town where you're forced to start over. 

When I first arrived here I gave birth and spent many months alone taking care of my baby girl. Eventually I decided to join the spouses group on base. I watch the show Army Wives as I'm sure you all know and expected the spouses group to be just like that. With all of the support and loving friends...it didn't seem real though.  I'm not one to push to fit in somewhere. I refuse to change who I am just to conform and get people to like me.  Well let's just say the spouses group didn't work out. Too much gossip and drama for me. So I looked to find friends in other ways, through work(I worked at a restaurant and a retail store at one point in time) or through my hubby's co worker's spouses..but needless to say two years later I only have about 3 people here I'd say are good friends and even then I don't see any of them all that often. It's been a lonely two years to say the least. I feel like I'm in a weird inbetween spot. I'm young(22) but have a child and one on the way while most people my age are in college having fun. And then most of those in my same situation are much older which I don't mind but people tend to judge me for my age rather than my maturity level. I truly miss my hometown and I know my hubby misses his as well.I hope and pray we make some good friends soon and maybe find a good babysitter so hubby and I can finally go on a date...it's been way too long.

This holiday season we will be staying home instead of traveling to see family like we did last year. I'm looking forward to decorating my house and starting our own traditions but it will be lonely just the three of us. Not as much fun having thanksgiving dinner without a big family surrounding you or unwrapping presents on Christmas by ourselves. If I were rich I would fly all our family here and put them all up in hotels for the holidays. Here's to a lonely, but hopefully joyful holiday season!

Military Spouses(or personnel)- how do you cope with the constant moving? What are your best ways for making friends and feeling comfortable in a new place?

Everyone else-what are your plans for the holidays? What traditions do you have?


  1. Aw, I am sorry the spouses group didn't work out! Some of them are cliquey and hard to find a place in, but others are great. I hope at your next duty station you have better luck with that.
    As far as friends I try to make friends outside of the military, neighbors with young kids is a great place to start! There is also a website called meetup.com where you can find local playgroups, it was how I found the most amazing mom-group at our last duty station!

    Good luck!

  2. Hey darling. Sending love and prayers, sorry so MIA. These last two surgeries did me in. :/ My friend Amanda is stay at home mom and she has found some really neat mommy groups. For instance one of them is breast feeder support and another is baby wrappers (she uses the wraps as opposed to a harness (check out: www.babywearers.com). She also is on several mommy websites. I will ask her if she knows of anything and let ya know!

  3. I had the same thoughts as you exactly on the spouses group here. Not just on the drama and gossipy bit, but the group I attended was for parents, and the moms seemed to be concerned about everything in the world with the exception of their kids.

    They were climbing over furniture, coughing and hacking everywhere, noses running, hitting, screaming, dying for attention- and completely ignored. Not to say all military groups are like this, but our base seriously needs to work on its parenting skills.

    We've been so fortunate to be posted here, in my home town, for so long. Next year will be our first posting, and I AM STRESSING. I look forward to reading what other commenters suggest...

    It's been a challenge enough having our main man in Afghanistan for the past year, but to uproot my children from everything they've come to rely on? Sigh.

    Rob comes home this week, and we are just beyond thrilled, trying not to think too much about the hard times we'll be embarking on.

    I know that my google account comes up as my old blog, Polished Portrayal, but we've moved over to our new site, www.chaoticmomentum.com, should you want to stop by!

    Much love this holiday season, to you and your family. Sometimes a quiet holiday, filled with new traditions, can be just as memorable. Look into creating new memories, is there a sleigh ride in your community? Christmas lights display? Santa Claus parade? Sometimes, when there are fewer people to consider, it's easier to get out and do more festive things!