18 August 2011
Keep Holding On
It's been exactly 2 weeks since my husband left for this TDY. No, two weeks is not a very long time but when you're hardly getting any sleep it feels like forever. We still have about another week and a half left. It's 6am here and Little Miss was up at 4:45am screaming. I tried putting her back to bed several times, comforted her in every way I know how, tried letting her in bed with me...well I tried pretty much everything and after an hour of her screaming I gave in and we're now in the living room watching toy story 3. I let her stay up a little late last night thinking she'd sleep in...obviously that backfired. And of course she picks the one night where Little Man only woke up once to eat. I'm dead tired. It's been weeks since I slept more than five hours at night. I feel like a zombie just going through the motions. I can hardly stay awake most days and my patience wore out a long time ago. My kids deserve to have me when I'm at my best not when I'm this overly tired and impatient. I feel terrible for them. I know I am not the most pleasant person these days. I just miss my husband and I miss sleep. Little Miss is so sad without Daddy here. He is the one who helps her back to sleep in the middle of the night...not me. I feel like I'm losing it. Having him gone makes me appreciate him even more. I just want him back. This scares me so much because I'm terrified of a deployment. When he was deployed last year I stayed at my mom's house. It was still hard but I had help and a babysitter. I got to have breaks and time to de-stress. But here I have no family and only a handful of friends who I rarely see. This TDY is breaking me. I don't know how I could handle a deployment.