02 March 2011

Craving You

I'm craving your touch. Every time you walk in the door in your uniform I can't help but wanna kiss you. It's been weeks since I've felt your lips against mine and I can't remember the last time you said you loved me. I almost forget what it feels like to wake up in your arms. Every night we go to sleep I pray for just one touch, a reminder, that you still love me. I'm just barely holding it together. I'm just barely still standing. When I look in your eyes I see what should be our future together but then you turn around and walk away and it leaves a stabbing pain in my heart. I want to be with you, all of you, forever. I don't ever want to look at another man. You are my beginning and my end and the other half to my heart. I wanna raise our beautiful children together, I wanna grow old together. I wish I knew why I don't make you happy anymore. It hurts so much. When you laugh or smile it makes me smile. I love seeing joy in your face because it means that maybe, just maybe, there is a little happiness left inside of you. I'm holding on, waiting, hoping that this will all be over soon and we can go back to the way things were. All I want is for you to love me and it hurts that you don't. It's not that I don't want to be alone...I just can't be without you. You are the man that I love so much it hurts. I feel like I'm in a waiting room with a wait time that never ends. Waiting to find out my fate. Waiting to see if we can be together. This waiting is driving me crazy.

Can't you see how happy we could be? Can't you see how beautiful our daughter is? She deserves the world and deserves for us to be together and happy forever. I don't want our family to break up. I can't be strong anymore. I'm trying to be guarded and to hide back the tears but sometimes it's hard to hold it all together. Today, I just can't stop crying. I feel like I'm mourning the death of our relationship. I love you so much.

"The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight. Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time and I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts. I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out. I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating"


  1. I think he should read this.. it's written so well. I can't see how this wouldn't move him or tug on some heart strings.

    praying for you & your family to get through this

  2. i agree with Gia, he should take a look at this..maybe print this blog entry out and take it to the next counseling session?
    im keeping you guys in my prayers,hoping you'll both overcome this huge hurdle. You're in my thoughts and prayers.