15 March 2010

Today is March 15

and that means this marks that there are exactly two months to the date until my husband leaves for his first deployment. He has already begun out-processing and things like Life Insurance and Wills are things we have to do. It is certainly not easy to make plans in case he doesn't make it home. He is only 24 years old and the idea of doing all of this I'm sure scares him but he does not express that to me. In his eyes he sees a chance to prove himself as a soldier. He thinks this will make him look "bad ass". He is excited to leave. I have been told all men or women for that matter are like this before their first deployment. But, to me, this seems selfish. He is leaving only two weeks after our daughter's first birthday and will miss so much in her life. If it were me deploying I would be so sad to leave and trying to make every day count. So since it isn't me I am trying to do this for him. I am being the best wife I can be to him. I'm trying not to complain about silly things that don't matter and do things just for the sake of his happiness...even if it means letting mine go a little bit. Right now, it is about him. As much as I wish he would make this time about me and our daughter, I understand that right now he doesn't see how important that is. I'm sure that after this deployment he will wish he had done more for us before he left but only time will tell.

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